i barfeds in our rink
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
