Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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