How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
