y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
