ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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