If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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