hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
