im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize