So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
