I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
