mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize