Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
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I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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