This house was built for laser tag.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
