I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
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I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
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please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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