so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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