My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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