you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
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my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
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We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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