dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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