I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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