vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
