omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize