if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
wow bdsm is so cute
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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