Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
