Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
