i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
