Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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