tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
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i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
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I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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