guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
