So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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