guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
