Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
third nipple confirmed
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
