Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
