shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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