Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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