I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Randomize
