I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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