Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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