she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
