??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
