im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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