the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
