Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
