i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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