She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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