I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
