Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
