if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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