you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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