I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
