my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
