I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
