Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
