Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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