i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
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If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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