He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize