I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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