You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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