Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
