I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
