Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
