guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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